So I need to share and get this off my chest because it has been driving me nuts today thinking about it.
A friend of my employer/coworker at a place I only work once a week has so been getting on my nerves lately. She's one of those people that says things without thinking and comes off as ignorant and just plain stupid.
For some reason it must really bug her that I don't have children. Whenever I am around her she starts many sentences with "You don't have children.....", "She doesn't have children...." or something similar.
Now let me set something straight here, I love kids, I just don't want to have any of my own. I love to visit with friends' children, spoil them with things, play with them and hear all about them. And I've also been teaching dance for going on 18 years. All this said I don't have a beef with children.
I understand that it must be very hard to be a parent. And even harder to raise children and also have a job. I don't doubt for a minute how tiring it must be.
This said here's what happened this week.
We will call my other job "work B", the woman I have the beef with Nelly. I was at Work B on Tuesday for an Open House. Nelly had her 2 kids their and Boss had her 3 kids there. I would guess they are all between the ages of 7 and 13. The kids were all being very loud and wild (which bugged me because this was an Open House and not a party! And made it look very unprofessional).
So anyway several times on Tuesday Nelly made the comment."This is just going to reinforce why you don't have kids", "Don't do that she doesn't have kids", or "Well you don't have kids so...".
I let it go.
Thursday I went back for the second day of Open House. She didn't make any comments until I was getting ready to leave. It was 7:00 and I said "I had to leave and go get groceries. I had a lot to do and didn't even have one thing packed for the weekend". (Do to the fact that I was at Open house for two days and had Zumba one day, and oh I do work a 9-5 job during the day!)
So Nelly says "OH YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS IT SHOULD ONLY TAKE YOU AN HOUR TO PACK". This immediately infuriated me. I said "for a weekend long camping trip?" "Um no". Then she said something else insinuating that I had all the time in the world and I said "I do work a 9-5 job during the day". Then she had the nerve to say "well if I didn't have kids I could pack in an hour". Boss knew I was really ticked and says "you obviously haven't tent camped." Nelly says "oh yeah, that's how we camp".
I had to leave before I blew up at her! This all coming from someone that works part time on occasional weekends and has two school age children. This is going to sound really mean----but she also looks like Jabba the Hut. She lives with her boyfriend (yes, not married) and they have two kids together (7 and 9 maybe?). I wish I was bold enough to start a sentence with "Well you are not married....".
I messaged a friend to vent and she said to blow if off as jealousy, that she gets that all the time. And that people also make ignorant comments and try to devalue her life because she doesn't have kids. Well said.
I just wish I knew how to put a stop to this woman. Any suggestions?
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First of all, you should just know that making a decision not to have kids is your business. I think there are many many people out there that unfortunately do not make that decision and then regret it, suffice to say this woman sounds like she may be one of those people. Parenting is very hard and it's very hard to listen to people gripe about it all the time. Yes there are days that we all are pushed to the limits. I think sometimes people mistakenly feel like you are going to miss out on the joy of having a child and they want to convey that to you and it comes off harsh. That said I do not believe that is the intention of this woman and if she was bright enough to put things into perspective and appreciate that being a parent is not something to be taken lightly then perhaps she would be able to recognize that it's none of her business what you or anyone else for that matter chooses to do. I personally would probably have to put her in her place. Kindness is the best way, don't stoop to her level. I'd suggest something like I'm sorry if it upsets you that I have chosen not to have kids. I do very much enjoy kids but for my own personal reasons have chosen not to have them. I would welcome some respect and privacy for my decision.
ReplyDeleteWell said Shelly! I will definitely use your advice. Thanks!
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